What does anxiety feel like to you?

Anxiety disorder is described as a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities. One of my goals with this blog, is to raise awareness of what anxiety looks like because it is different for everyone. Being my first interactive post, I want to get some feedback of what anxiety feels like to you. Please subscribe to the blog (no cost associated), send me an e-mail or share some of your feelings on my social media pages so we can get it out of us how we are feeling; how anxiety makes us feel. So we can share with others that may not understand. Anxiety is not just something that is made up in our heads, it is a real feeling and state of mind.

When I had my first real 'episode' of anxiety. I remember that I was coming off of drugs.. so I just assumed that that's all it was, the detox since I was doing it at my own will and would not seek medical attention. I remember laying in bed, my heart was pounding and it feel like there were tingles through out my entire body... almost to the point of blacking out. I had this extremely overwhelming fear that I was going to die. I could not get it out of my head, I was shaking so bad and couldn't shut off my mind. After what felt like 4 hours of this feeling, I was just wishing that I would die so I wouldn't have to experience this fear anymore. After months of this "feeling" not going away, having it on and off. I finally spoke with a doctor who gave me the diagnosis of anxiety disorder.

Most days, I felt just fine and lived a normal life. However, it seemed that more often than not, I would experience these overwhelming sensations of "Oh my God, I am going to die" while I was doing every day tasks. For example, I would be driving and get that sense that I was going to pass out. I would be taking care of the kids and all the sudden my heart would start pounding. It was terrifying, many times I thought to myself "I cannot live like this" . A few years of this on and off, I finally figured out that I had hypochondria associated with panic attacks, PTSD from situations that had happened in my past and generalized anxiety disorder. Every time, I started getting anxiety, I started to fear that something was seriously wrong with me because of the way my body felt due to the anxiety. I had to have several doctors explain this to me and then I finally found a blog post that this guy was explaining the way he felt when he got anxiety and it was EVERYTHING I was feeling.... I didn't feel so alone anymore.

As years passed, I became more "okay" with these feelings although they still happen to me to this day. Last night, I woke up about 10pm with this overwhelming, suffocating feeling that I was going to die. I was sweating, I felt like I couldn't breath, my heart was pounding and my two young daughters were sleeping right next to me. I feared that they would wake up to find me dead and wouldn't know what to do because they are only 2 and 5. It's a scary, scary feeling. But I was able to overcome it, I was able to calm myself down and get a restful night of sleep and I am STILL HERE.

So many times of having these suffocating feelings, of not being able to get out of bed and care for my children, of having to leave work early because I was just scared and needed to go somewhere that I felt 'safe', of fearing that I'm not going to make it another second to see my children again... I have been at the point of just wanting to die. And no, I do not mean kill myself. I mean, the fear of feeling like I'm dying.. I have just hoped that it would happen so I would no longer have to suffer through this. When we are in this panic state, our thoughts are irrational because we are so scared. It's a scary feeling, it's an embarrassing feeling and it's so much harder being around people that don't understand.

What I have realized through every episode, is that I am still here. I am still standing strong and I am still pushing through each of these attacks. I am learning what helps me and always exploring new techniques so I can share them with you all. We can beat this, we can raise awareness.. together.

For me, anxiety feels like:

1. a million thoughts that won't leave my mind

2. a fear of the future

3. a fear of dying

4. suffocating

5. heart pounding

6. weight on my whole body

7. paralyzing to the point of not being able to get out of bed

8. embarrassing

9. making excuses

10. sweating

11. shaking

12. not being able to focus

13. too many things to do at once

14. pain

15. like I'm drowning

16. crying all the time

17. sick to my stomach

18. Extreme guilt and shame

19. disappointing

20. Shut down mode

Send me an e-mail: themindfulless@gmail.com and tell me what anxiety feels like to you.